Today I kicked it with a friend of mine and we ended up going to grab something to eat after getting completed stoned out of our minds. This particular friend is a guy I met at some kind of party and he decided that he wanted to be my friend. Normally I would have blown off someone like him because in general I’m a little weary of people seeking out friends. I’m the type of person that has a handful of true friends and everyone else I kind of see as outsiders and potential witnesses for the prosecution. I know that’s not a healthy outlook to have, but I’m working on it.
Anyway, “Dave” called me up and asked me if I wanted to come over and watch some football. My Broncos were playing so I said fuck it and headed over to his spot near Melrose. Now me and Dave usually end up hanging out and smoking weed. In fact we pretty much smoke weed every time we hang out. Now we’re not on some stoner type of shit where we smoke weed and sit around giggling at Family Guy DVDs. When we smoke weed we tend to get into seriously deep discussions and end up bringing up things that are way deeper than our level of friendship should dictate. He probably knows more about me than most of my so-called best friends. He likes weed, football, soul music, and movies so we’ll always have some shit to talk about. Plus he’s the only person I know that knows more about weed than I do, so he's sort of my Mr. Miyagi (R.I.P Pat Morita) when it comes to the reefer.
Now I’m not sure why I even mentioned all of that, but let’s get to the main story. After we got stoned we decided to go to Antonio’s, a Mexican spot on Melrose that I usually end up eating entirely too much food at. Dave was treating, so I took it upon myself to order as much as I liked. He’s done the same to me, so don’t think I’m some kind of asshole. Anyways, as I was devouring the complimentary chips and salsa I noticed a beautiful woman and her equally beautiful friend walk in and sit down at a booth across from us. Now remember I’m completely stoned, so when I tell my friend Dave I used to go out with the tall one he thinks I’m bullshitting him. He literally laughs at me and tells me that I’m making shit up. I’m horrified because this is one of only 3 girls that have ever broken up with me and when I see her I immediately revert to being the insecure 23 year old I was when I was with her. She’s a model, completely fine, and I still don’t know how I was even able to get her. I knew she would eventually leave me while I was with her, but I rode it out and for about 4 months we were a couple of lovebirds. Then she dropped me for some rich guy and apparently ended up marrying him. Our last conversation involved us cursing each other out, which I definitely regret. How the fuck did I get emotional over this girl? I was a serious dumbass.
So I’m sitting in my booth with a fitted USC hat (haha Bruins, 66-19) sunk low over my forehead, sans glasses, hoping that she doesn’t notice me. Dave is still insisting that I’m bullshitting so I decide to take off the hat and put on my glasses just because as man I had to prove to Dave I did in fact go out with the hot model across the room. We end up making eye contact and she has the audacity to come over to my table. I feel like such a little bitch because I have no idea what I should even say to her. “Hey, I’m unemployed right now and I’ve decided I want to be a writer. Aren’t you sad you left me?”. Fuck, I could make up some shit and hope Dave doesn’t bust up laughing as I lie, but he’s a loose cannon so I decide to just tell the truth. Surprisingly she tells me “That’s a good move for you. You always used to make me laugh with your little stories. I always thought you should write instead of doing music”. Now at first she offended me with her “little stories” remark because it reminded me of how she could turn any remark into something condescending that infuriates me. I detest her, yet she’s so fine that even when she’s being that way I still find her stunning.
But I soon realized that what she said was actually a compliment, regardless of how condescending I found it. She did used to laugh at all my stories and sit content listening as I told her inane stories about my life as a slacker, not by choice, at an Internet start-up that was quickly going under. She did used to sit listening to me as I mused about which Tribe album was the best, why I preferred Dr. Dre’s earlier work from the late 80’s-early 90’s, and why I regretted not going to play football at a JC and hopefully transferring to a 4 year on scholarship instead of giving up after my sub-par performance as a senior in high school and just going to USC as a regular loan ridden student. Maybe she wasn’t so bad after all.
But then I remembered how superficial she was. How she used to bug me to keep my leased 3 series BMW washed all the time so she wouldn’t be driving around with some guy in a dirty car. How she used to doze off anytime I spoke about politics or anything remotely related to world events. How she used to spend hours hating on other models that she was in competition with, then act like they were best friends whenever she ran into them. God, why was I with this woman?
But after I spoke to her I realized that I wasn’t that guy anymore. It was only 5 years ago, but I’m a completely different person now. I see the world differently, I’m more secure with myself, and I don’t fall for girls because they have a nice butt and a smile. The old me would have agonized over running into her and not being some big timer that could rub his success in her face. The new me dwelled on the fact that she thought that I was making a good move in starting to write. It made my day in a weird way, but in no way did I wish I was with her instead of my girlfriend of almost 4 years that puts up with my pie in the sky dreams and supports me regardless.
After I got home I sat down and hammered out 5 pages of my new feature spec with vigor. I like the new me a lot better than the old me. My cool quotient definitely increased in Dave's eyes though, so I should be able to get him to pay for the weed and quesadillas a little more now. Meanwhile I sit at home spoiling my Daschund/Rottweiler with jerky treats and belly rubs and missing my girlfriend who's out of town in Vegas on location. I'm such a player now.
Have you ever watched a movie knowing full well that it's probably going to an abomination, and yet it turns out worse than you could possibly imagine? This is that movie. My friend downloaded this after I told him how wack it was and instant messaged me with the following:
